Be serious.
Or I will tell the doctor about that.
Do you have stomach ache?
Yes. I went shitting twice.
Sing-Sing.
Hi, Ah Man.
Cousin, how are you?
I am an experienced police officer.
I won't care about such little injury.
But he is different.
He hasn't had such chance to meet with a senior officer like me.
You are not my boss.
And you are not a police officer either.
You are suspended by the department.
I am just protecting a common witness.
I was framed, you'll know that I am innocent sooner or later.
When I resume duty, you will regret what you've done to me.
Cut the crap, stop arguing.
Please, you'd encourage him.
Say, being the undercover.
Undercover? Don't ask him to be undercover again!
I hate people being undercover.
Sing-Sing, you promised me you'd never be undercover again.
Yes.
But I prefer being an undercover than protecting this scumbag.
I need no protection from you.
But you were attacked
over 30 times after you're suspended.
- What? - Come on.
Stop arguing! I will give you some soup, come on.
Anything wrong with you?
I have headache, and a little bit dizzy.
I see!
You refuse to leave the hospital,
because the nurses here are so pretty.
My hand is hurt.
Miss, when can I leave the hospital?
No peeping! You don't even take care of my hand!
Go and get some medicines from the nurse.
No peeping!
I haven't!
What are you doing?
It was dangerous! Didn't you notice it?
What? You are insane!
On the floor!
That's too much!
No, he...
Don't bully me! Try once more if you dare!
Be careful!
Damn you, you wolf!
I can recognize you anyway.
Calling control, I am Chow Sing-Sing, are you calling me?
Yes.
I've just destroyed
a notorious group of killers.
And I've arrested the involved criminals.
Come and take them back to the station now.
Tell him I achieved something.
Officer Lai asked you to go to the scene immediately.
I am now protecting the witness, I can't leave.
Officer Lai asked you to leave everything alone.
Come now.
Do you mean to leave everything alone?
Yes.
Alright.
Don't move, let me pick up the gun first.
Where is Sing-Sing?
Everyone face to the wall, now!
What's the matter?
He is called by the Headquarters.
Hey, the test tube is broken, give me a cup.
Yes, sir!
Madam
I'll take it for chemical test right now.
What's the matter?
It's a homicide case.
Is the dead a man or an animal?
Man.
Why a tail is found here?
You are the chemical teacher.
Who are you?
I am Chow Sing-Sing, you taught me Chemistry in last movie.
I can't remember that.
I am the legal medical expert, who are you?
Chow Sing-Sing.
What did you ask me before?
Nothing.
Nonsense.
Have you seen Officer Lai?
Which one are you talking about?
That scumbag.
He claims himself Bruce Willies,
he is nicknamed Super-Cop.
That scumbag's foot is under yours.
Sorry, sir.
Are you hurt?
Sure! I am hurt!
Yes.
About the homicide...
It's so cruel.
The dead is called Million Wong.
His hands are tied up, and he is stabbed to death by an ice digger.
There are sperms left on the bed sheet.
The way he was killed is similar to the story of one recent movie.
So what do you want me to do with this case?
Take a look at this picture.
When did you take my picture?
I hate this.
This is the picture of the dead,
you two look like the same.
But he had a mole more.
It's funny.
What do you want?
It's a merit to you.
I am sorry, clean your face please.
Where did you get the tissue paper?
It's put next to the bed, so what?
It's used by the victim for cleaning.
Cleaning what?
What do you think?
It's alright, just take it as facial.
What do you think, Officer Lai?
Where are the sperms of the victim?
Here it is.
It's empty.
You know
it's a serious crime to destroy the evidence?
Unless you obey my instruction, or you'll be punished.
Your mission is to act as Million Wong, and go back to his home.
To keep an eye on his wife, Judy Tong.
And his friend, Taior Lam who always wants to take his advantage.
They are suspected to be the murderer.
You want me to be undercover?
That's what I want. Or you can name yourself
"Betrayer",
Or, bag egg, just as you like!
I beg you, don't ask me to be undercover.
I promised my girl of not being undercover anymore.
Or, I will lose my wife.
Please, be merciful.
Please show mercy to me, I beg you!
You can refuse going.
Anyone of you, just take him back and charge him...
of destroying the important evidence.
Yes sir.
You scared me!
Even I refuse, there will be another one who is willing to go.
OK, I will listen to you, you are disgusting!
I haven't promised Macdonna
who flattered me 8 times.
So how can you change my mind by flattering me like this?
I think it's not Macdonna but Mac Don-Hung.
Macdonna.
Please give me face to let me excuse from this mission!
No, you should go.
You are too dominant!
"Dominic" is my Christian name.
Damn it, don't go too far!
I am a kung-fu master.
I am expert in No-shadow Fist,
and Skeleton Kick!
You can never defeat me.
But I can defeat you just by my tongue!
Do you want me to go?
Well, it must be reasonable for you to send me as undercover.
Let me think...
I respect your decision.
OK?
Fine!
Actually I love the name of "Undercover".
I didn't push you.
You are silly,
how can you say this to your best friend?
Are you taking me as your friend?
We're colleagues, lend me few hundred thousands to buy a flat, OK?
I can tell you are not righteous.
I will support you anyway. Try hard to solve the case.
My future brother-in-law.
How nice to meet you, it's my treat.
But, lend me $20,000 first.
You are suspended, how dare you borrow money from me?
Don't lose my face.
I come to report a crime, isn't it OK?
I was indecent assaulted by a woman.
Hold it...
As you said before, you'd support me anyway.
If you are willing to do so, I will do everything to assist you.
That's fine! I want him to be my assistant!
The 4th seat of the 3rd row.
You are exaggerating!
None of your business.
You are late!
I was busy.
How is the story?
The woman stays with the man on bed,
she kills the man with an ice-digger.
Hey, I want to tell you something.
What?
I quitted the job in school.
I want to help my mom to take care of her florist.
I wish to take some orders from the hotels and restaurants.
Isn't it a good idea?
Good, very good.
I have something to talk to you too.
What?
I will be an undercover starting from tomorrow morning.
What?
I will be an undercover starting from tomorrow morning.
Are you tired of that?
Sure,
but not my boss. I can't help.
What identity will you be this time?
A husband of a woman.
Which woman?
Keep this as secret.
Judy Tong, who always appears in the gossip magazine.
This is what I can tell, others should be kept confidential.
Don't you mind?
It's not necessary for you to scare like this!
Or do you want to take advantage?
Sure. Miss Snow White!
I am leaving.
Excuse me.
Ah Man
Where are you going to?
What are you doing?
Where are you going to?
You promised me not to be undercover again!
You silly girl, this is an order, I can't help.
Tomorrow is the lunar new year eve.
You promised to dine with my family.
Excuse me.
No, go and piss once more.
It doesn't matter!
Don't be silly...
OK, you want to be the husband of Judy Tong?
She is weird!
Will you sleep with her?
No,
I will never do that!
But, I am not sure if I get drunk.
Are you going to sleep with her?
I will date other boyfriends in return.
I don't want to do so,
it's my job.
- Excuse me. - No excuse.
I have pissed again.
So, go shitting.
I don't care, if you do something wrong,
I will take revenge.
Say, I will sleep with 10 men.
How can you talk
like this to me?
If you do something wrong,
I will learn from the character of the film.
When you fall asleep, I will tie you up,
and stab you to death with the ice-digger.
Tie me up?
Stop kidding, be careful.
What are you doing?
Nothing.
Have you bathed?
Yes.
You should write the Fei Chun first.
Fine, I'll make it tomorrow.
No way, go now.
My hands are tired.
May I stop here?
You can use your feet.
Great! You wrote them with your toes.
Sure! I am really smart!
Sure you are!
Are you loving me more?
If you were so smart that...
eat the noodle with your toes, can you?
What did you say?
Hello?
Are you Mrs. Wong? This is a call from the police station.
We have found your husband.
Where is he now?
In the police station, come and pick him up.
Thank you.
Madam, someone sent you
some expensive underwears.
Idiot, everyone knows that I hate wearing underwears.
You may take them as your own.
Thank you.
I am now going to take Master home.
Yes, Madam.
Are you Jelly Tong, no...
Are you Judy Tong?
Call me Judy.
Have you found my husband?
Yes, we found him in New Territories.
He seems to have lost his memory!
We suspected that his head was seriously hurt.
He's got not a penny in his pocket.
Maybe he is robbed.
Robbed by woman, I guess.
Why don't you smoke?
Mrs. Wong, I am sorry, smoking is not allowed in this room.
Would you put me in jail?
No... but...
$5,000 will be fined.
Here is ten thousand, I will treat you cigarette.
Mrs. Wong, money is not the most powerful thing in the world.
It isn't...
but it's important.
You are not my husband.
I haven't said I was you husband.
He is your husband.
I won't forgive him!
You just go fooling around, that made you crazy!
Speak something.
What? I lost my memory.
She is your wife.
No.
I didn't say yes.
You are couple anyway, forget his mistake.
You, go and flatter her, then it'd be alright.
I won't go home with him.
I come and see whether he is dead or not.
I have light memory that, my wife is rather pretty.
She is pretty.
What do you think?
Although she is not pretty, she is your wife.
I am sorry, police can't tell lies.
My wife is having nice body.
She has nice figure too.
My wife doesn't wear underwear.
I have just seen that she hasn't worn the underwear.
I just guess...
Damn it, you are not crazy at all.
You have sharp tongue!
Well, go home now. Come on.
Are you telling me?
What kind of behavior of you?
You reported of missing a husband,
you come and fool us after your husband is found.
I'd better take you back to Shenzhen!
You know, we can lock you up
for few months without any trial.
What are you looking? You are impolite.
Look at me.
How long can he protect you?
In July 1997, I will arrest him too.
Who are you?
The security officer of China. So what?
You look familiar, when did you go back to China?
I haven't!
You seem to be the commercial criminal
who stole money from government.
Pal, I want to take them back to Shenzhen now.
Including him!
Me?
Don't be big mouth,
do you want to interrupt the peace?
I will arrest you, don't you believe? Damn it!
I am sorry! Excuse me please.
Have you finished? Damn it.
I am sleepy.
Don't be big mouth.
Go home to sleep if you feel sleepy.
Follow me home!
Don't go!
Let's go
Where is my gun?
Just let them go.
Bull shit works, see?
How dare you be so impolite to me?
You know, you are suspended.
If you pretend to be police again, I'll ask someone to arrest you.
Don't be so cocky.
I pretended as Chinese security officer, ask them to arrest me!
You...
Stop it. Or I will go & apply to be the Chinese security officer,
and I will take revenge in 1997. You go to hell!
Luckily, I am a catholic, I will go to heaven.
Young master!
Wow...
It's your house, what makes you surprise?
I have lost my memory.
So what?
I don't mean it.
Do you know who she is?
My mom.
You mistook it.
She is Toiletpapa. Our housekeeper.
What? She is toilet paper?
It's a Japanese name.
Daddy.
My dear son...
Good boy, I miss you so much!
Damn it!
He is the son of the gardener.
He greeted me daddy.
He greets everyone as daddy.
Greet us.
Daddy...
I am glad you are back.
Do you know who he is?
Is he the cook who makes curry?
He is your dad.
What?
Good boy.
Daddy.
It's good to see you again.
Do you know who he is?
May be a gardener.
Your baby sitter.
What?
Master, do you want to have milk?
Why not later?
Do you know who he is?
I don't think he is my brother.
- Sure he is. - What?
You always treat him as your brother.
I see.
Call its name,
or it will bite you.
Do you mean it?
What name is it?
Use your brain!
Dolly...
David, Peter, Maria, Rose, Gigo...
Gigio Armani, Valentino...
Wong Jing, Ng Man Tat, Gordon Chan...
This dog should be killed.
It's called Dolly Law!
You forget its name.
I said Dolly many times.
No, it's called Dolly Law. Not Dolly.
You should mention it's surname Law.
That's why it didn't obey me.
Young Master.
The vet has arrived.
Which dog should I draw its teeth?
This way.
Thank you, doctor.
Lower your voice.
You always fall asleep when doing massage to you.
But why are you so excited today?
I don't know why.
Don't pull so hard, OK?
Young master, but you love it.
You mean it?
Yes.
Forget it.
Why are you interested in this old picture?
I have lost my memory.
So what?
I don't mean it.
I wonder! Why did I take
such picture with an underwear only!
It's me who begged you to wear it!
You refused to wear anything at first.
You wanted to be sexy.
You didn't satisfy with it at all.
I can't imagine he is that kind of person.
What?
I have lost my memory.
If not judging from your look,
I suspect that you're fake.
What? Are you suspecting me? I told you I lost my memory.
Actually what did I tell you before I lost?
I don't know.
Toiletpapa.
What are you calling her for?
To prepare for your bath.
She has slept.
What do you want, master?
You always appear so suddenly!
Madam, she said I appeared so suddenly.
It's the usual practice of everybody in this house.
I know how to appear in a sudden too.
What are you doing?
Are you pretending to be death?
Hello, Officer Lai, I am Judy Tong.
What's the matter?
You have found me the husband, he is not my husband.
Thinner, make it thinner.
How do you know that?
He knows nothing
about my family.
He was bitten by our dog.
I asked him to bath, he did it.
But he bathed only 4 times a year before.
He was pushed
to take a bath before our wedding.
We asked him to take bath in the detention centre, he addicted to it.
Hey, he is your real husband.
Treat him nicely, otherwise,
I won't let you go.
Are you Officer Lai? How can you talk like this?
I am not Officer Lai?
Don't you think I am Leon Lai?
Go to hell.
It doesn't seem to be your voice.
You're right.
You deserve severe punishment.
Officer Chan.
What's the matter?
I don't think my husband is my husband.
I don't understand.
Officer Lai found my missing husband.
He looks like my husband.
But,
I have found that,
he isn't my husband.
Officer Lai has found you a husband
who is not your husband.
But you've found that your husband isn't your husband.
He is not my husband.
So you are suspecting that he is fake although
he is like your husband.
I think so.
You should ask Officer Lai.
I have called him.
But, I don't know whether it's Officer Lai or not,
He told me that my present husband
is my husband.
That Officer Lai, you don't know whether he is true or not,
he told you,
Your present husband is your real husband?
I think so.
I have a suggestion.
Go home and take a bath, and drink a cup of hot milk.
Come to see Officer Lai early tomorrow morning.
Then you will discover that,
your husband is your husband again.
Are you suspecting me? Don't you trust me?
Don't you think I am idiot?
I think so.
He is fake.
I am fake too.
Actually I am Andy Lau, I pretended to be Officer Chan.
Now, it's 30 minutes passed 12.
Oh, it's the first day of the Lunar New Year.
Happy New Year.
What are you doing? Officer Chan?
- That's it, bye bye. - I haven't finished.
Bye bye.
You are great, my dear classmate.
Kung Hei Fat Choi!
You are making a dead set at me.
She is rich,
she will sue us, you know?
But we are carrying law and justice.
You misjudge righteousness!
How dare you push me?
Go to hell.
So what?
How dare you hit me?
I will kill you!
Officer Chan, I have lost my lighter.
Why your eyes are so black?
I don't have enough sleep, that's it.
Mrs. Wong, Kung Hei Fat Choi.
Good luck, good bye.
Anyway, happy anything to you.
All are crazy!
What kind of noise is it?
What are you doing?
You are my boss, I am your assistant, don't you forget?
Yes.
You asked me to protect you, right?
Sure.
I have done what you've instructed.
I haven't told you to cut the ceiling of others.
Yes, you didn't!
Go away, you idiot.
I don't need your protection.
But, I've to watch over you,
to stop you from betraying my cousin.
- Here you are, Madam. - Yes.
Judy is back, go now.
Shit, a fatty has gone into the room, what shall I do?
Are you back? Where have you gone?
I just went out to eat noodle.
- Noodle? - Yes.
Very good.
In order to finish my mission,
I have to flatter her.
I want to tempt her,
and make her tell me the truth.
To find out the truth,
I should flatter him.
I want him to disclose his real identity.
Judy!
Million.
Judy!
Million.
Sorry, I am tired.
I am going to sleep in the study room.
My God, please give me a strong man.
Ask him to enter my dream, thank you.
Really strong.
He is already undressed.
Thank God...
I am coming.
Hurry up, fix the present as soon as possible!
Master and madam are coming down.
Congratulations.
Happy New Year...
Always lucky...
Here is the red pocket.
You give them lucky money too.
I haven't brought them with me, give me some.
Here is the red pocket.
Congratulations.
Always lucky.
Thank you.
How about me?
You are married.
Give it to me
Where is yours?
I am not married.
You have mistaken. It's mine.
Yours will be sent by Madam.
See, they have got two per head.
That's good.
Congratulations.
Officer Lai.
This is for you...
Officer Lai.
That's very kind of you.
I should send you some present.
Kung Hei Fat Choi!
No, we can't be "Fat Choi" (Getting rich).
Because ICAC would suspect us if we get any extra money.
Well, wish you to be promoted.
That's good.
Mr. Wong, are you fine?
You'd take a rest for your head's hurt.
Yes, take a seat, I will fetch you some cake.
Good.
How is it? What have you found?
I tried to seduce her, I won't mind sacrifice.
But I can't get anything.
Why don't you find another one?
Do you want me to kill you?
Give us some tea.
Yes, Master.
I have given you an assistant who is suspended.
If you can't get me the real murderer,
you'd suicide in front of me.
But I am afraid that I would be killed.
Who dares kill you?
Who is he?
The one wearing fur.
A woman!
Happy New Year! My best friend.
Your girlfriend is bald.
My brother. Amigo.
Happy New Year.
Who are you looking for?
Taior!
Judy!
Judy, what's wrong with Million? He can't recognize me.
I do, you are Taior, right?
No, you never called me like this.
What did you call me before?
Speak up.
Isn't it "Damn you"?
Damn you?
That's right, you fool!
You mean "Fool"?
No, I am "Damn You", you are Fool!
You are "Fool"?
You are "Fool"!
Are you "Fool"?
He is "Damn You"!
Right, Damn You!
Oh, you are Damn You, and you are Fool.
He is Damn you, Shithead.
I am Shithead?
Make it simple.
Just call "Scumbag" together.
How can you talk like this at the beginning of new year?
Say it again.
Damn it.
You are great!
Sorry...
Who is that scumbag?
He is Officer Lai who found my husband back.
I am not used to stay with such junior police officers.
My disco is newly opened.
You should come earlier tonight.
I have asked many girls to join us.
You love it.
What did you say?
Kidding.
Shit, I forgot to visit my daddy.
How is your daddy?
He died.
I am hurrying to worship him. See you tonight.
Bye bye.
See you.
He is the best friend of Million Wong.
He always wants to seize Wong's property. He is worth suspecting.
Judy, you look weird.
Do you want it?
It's not necessary to court a woman.
It's just a waste of time.
Where there's money there's woman.
I will pay her money so that she would listen to me.
I will pay her more money to make her love me.
Money's just drugs, one will be hooked on it.
In that case, you got loads of drugs?
Which movie star are you courting lately?
Have a change, not film stars now.
To court those working girl.
That really turns me on.
Really?
The one yesterday I courted owns a florist shop.
Small world! The one I had also owns a florist shop.
The girl I am going to date tomorrow is having one as well.
Which florist shop is it?
What, you want to join the queue?
Have you got your wife's permission?
Don't look at me! You can do anything you like.
He wants to have fun too.
I couldn't care less.
I'm going to dance.
Stop fussing about my head.
I just want to know
how nice is that florist shop owner.
I don't know how to describe.
Anyway, she's got big eyes, pointed nose, sexy lips,
a pair of nice tits,
- and... - What's her name?
Damn! I just couldn't remember.
Ada? No.
Patty? No.
Cindy? No.
Anyway she's great on bed.
From the bed to the floor,
from the floor up to the bed,
from the bed to the kitchen...
She is so cheap!
It's really cheap.
Another thing, she said,
the boyfriend she's going to dump is a police as well.
Where's she? I want her now!
Cool it!
We had a date, she'll be here in a minute.
- Really? - Sure.
Let me make up first.
Really?
Baby! Give me a kiss.
So cheap!
Baby! Give me a kiss.
Alright!
So cheap!
What's up now?
Just looking for somebody.
Judy, why don't you introduce the beauty to me?
Judy!
Son of a bitch! Stop pushing!
You keep the birds
and give us the elbow.
You call that good mates.
You have had enough fun!
Judy!
Let me introduce, she is called Ching,
she is our right hand,
this is Mr. Wong.
We met before.
Right.
I can't imagine how troublesome
if Ching leaves my company.
We don't know what to do.
I won't bother you.
Why not a chat?
Bye bye. Bye bye.
What are you looking? You always love watching girls.
What else am I going to do?
Have a dance with me.
Who are you looking for?
Just looking for someone.
The bird you're with?
No.
Did you tell lies?
No.
Can you concentrate and dance with me?
How sweet are you two!
Where've you been?
My girl had come, I was going to introduce you to her.
Where?
She's left!
Never mind, make it next time.
What a nice hair style.
I admire it.
We are having a party tonight, are you coming?
Go and search
more girls to join us.
Fine!
What are you doing?
Nothing, I remember something.
Why not play something new?
New?
We are having a party tonight,
you must come.
Why are you standing here?
Stop frowning,
smile.
We are having a party tonight, you must come.
Big Busts.
Big nose.
Sorry.
We are having a party tonight,
You must come.
Why are you standing here,
go and get more girls to join us.
Cut! Very good.
What a job.
Why do you come into my room? My mom will be back soon.
Your mom?
I tell her that you are my tutor.
If she knows it, she'll be furious.
She told me not to let boys in.
No kissing.
No... too.
Is it my turn now?
What are you on about?
What? I don't know.
Remember the camp last time?
You walked in my camp and kissed me.
Well, let's stop here, I am going back to the study room.
I just want to know why don't you kiss me tonight.
Well, can I go back to the study room after kissing you?
Give me a kiss first.
Not here!
Where then?
Come on Judy, Don't go too far.
Naughty!
So what?
Come on...
I won't care!
What are you doing?
Hey, you have a part too.
What are you doing here?
How dare you court my girl, I want to beat you to death.
Don't just beat me, you should beat her too.
She is the director, I can't beat her.
How dare you court my daughter?
How dare you!
You make me feel shame.
It's not wise to tell others this scandal.
I am leaving.
Damn it!
You bastard, kneel down.
You bastard, how dare you seduce daughter!
You shouldn't put it that way.
But I was pushed to do so!
How can you talk like this?
You are inhuman! You want to leave my daughter alone?
I want to quit!
Do it, go on acting.
Look, he is heartless!
I must go and tell your dad.
You are getting marry next month.
- Marry? - No?
Are you going to marry?
OK, make it quick!
That's good, hurry up!
You should be good from now on.
- I am busy, excuse me. - Go, hurry up!
My mom approves to let us get married.
What? Again?
Come on!
Time's up, game over!
You haven't noticed me since we slept in separate rooms.
I've never said a word about all those women you had.
I want you for just tonight!
Can I?
Can I? Why not?
Why?
Stop crying, I'm not the type.
I am a loyal man.
What's that again.
I am a loyal husband. I want only one wife.
Just tell me you love me.
I love you.
Again.
I love you.
Hold me tight.
Stop staring!
I wish you would be run over by the car.
Give us a twirl.
Damn you! You are so cocky to wear the patterned socks.
What do you want?
Just to pick up something.
What do you want, twit?
Just to pick up something.
What are you doing? Get back inside. Would you?
Nothing, just pick up the coins.
Come and eat the red bean sweet soup.
Not much business today?
Not so good, because it's newly opened.
Kidding?
Quite a few of peoples came for you yesterday.
Oh yeah, how do you know?
Where is your mole?
Here.
Bravo!
This is nice.
Don't you think it's chewy?
Just one.
Of course, that's my mole.
Does it taste better with the mole in it?
You two go on, I just go out for a minute.
Where are you going?
To deliver flowers to someone's wife.
Unlike you, you have no money
and no flower. See you.
You should be blamed.
What do you want again?
I come to eat the sweet soup and to protect you.
Why don't you stay then.
Taior and his gang are coming to play cards tonight.
I think I can get some clues.
You are wise to search for my help.
I'll take care of you tonight, because I am the gambling king!
What are you looking for?
Nothing.
How is it?
Everything normal.
Do you have money?
You know I am called the Gambling King of the police department?
I don't think so!
You will know it later.
Mr. Wong, where is your mole?
Removed.
But it brings you wealth.
Really?
Because I have much money, I don't want more!
It's very wise of you!
See?
Let's follow the old rules.
What?
Gamble in cash.
Sure! Sure!
Maximum credit is $200,000.
Isn't it the change?
This is all I have.
Mr. Wong, $10,000 as base.
It's an eight.
A nine can have the 1st call.
Make it $50,000.
How is it?
$150,000 more.
We'll get rich if we get all the base only.
I see.